“For my brothers Carl and — —– Beethowen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
O you men who consider, or describe me as quarrelsome,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
peevish or misanthropic, how greatly you wrong me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You do not know the secret reason why I seem to you<\/p>\n\n\n\n
to be so. From my childhood onward my heart and soul<\/p>\n\n\n\n
have been filled with tender feelings of good will, and<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have always been willing to perform great and<\/p>\n\n\n\n
magnanimous deeds. But reflect, for the past 6 years I have<\/p>\n\n\n\n
been in an incurable condition made worse by unreasonable<\/p>\n\n\n\n
doctors. From year to year I have hoped to be cured,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
but in vain, and at last I have been forced to accept the<\/p>\n\n\n\n
prospect of a permanent infirmity [whose cure may<\/p>\n\n\n\n
perhaps take years, or may prove to be quite impossible].<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although born with a fiery and lively temperament, and<\/p>\n\n\n\n
even fond of the distractions of society, I soon had to<\/p>\n\n\n\n
cut myself off and live in solitude. When, occasionally,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I decided to ignore my infirmity, ah, how cruelly I was<\/p>\n\n\n\n
then driven back by the doubly sad experience of my poor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
hearing, yet I could not find it in myself to say to people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Speak louder, shout, for I am deaf’. Ah, how could<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I possibly have referred to the weakening of a sense which<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ought to be more perfectly developed in me than in other<\/p>\n\n\n\n
people, a sense which I once possessed in the greatest<\/p>\n\n\n\n
perfection, to a degree which certainly few of my<\/p>\n\n\n\n
profession possess or have ever possessed. I cannot do it,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
so forgive me if you see me withdraw from your company,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
greatly though I should like to mix with you. My mis-<\/p>\n\n\n\n
fortune afflicts me doubly as I am bound to be misunder-<\/p>\n\n\n\n
stood. For me there can be no relaxation in human society,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
refined conversations and mutual confidences. I must be<\/p>\n\n\n\n
entirely alone, and except when the utmost necessity takes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
me to the threshold of society I must live like an outcast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I appear in company I am overcome by acute anxiety,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
for fear I am in danger of revealing my condition. Such<\/p>\n\n\n\n
has been the case this last half year, spent in the country,,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
instructed by my sensible doctor to spare my hearing as<\/p>\n\n\n\n
much as possible, which is indeed my present inclination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes I have been driven by my desire to seek the<\/p>\n\n\n\n
company of other human beings, but what humiliation<\/p>\n\n\n\n
when someone, standing beside me, heard a flute from afar<\/p>\n\n\n\n
off while I heard nothing, or when someone heard a<\/p>\n\n\n\n
shepherd singing, and again I heard nothing! Such<\/p>\n\n\n\n
experiences have brought me close to despair, and I came<\/p>\n\n\n\n
near to ending my life–only my art held me back, as it<\/p>\n\n\n\n
seemed to me impossible to leave this world until have<\/p>\n\n\n\n
produced everything I feel it has been granted to me to<\/p>\n\n\n\n
achieve”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be continued, Islander. PS. Beethowen is not a typo.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“For my brothers Carl and — —– Beethowen. O you men who consider, or describe me as quarrelsome, peevish or misanthropic, how greatly you wrong me! You do not know the secret reason why I seem to you to be so. From my childhood onward my heart and soul have been filled with tender feelings … Continue reading “The Heiligenstadt Testament [part one]”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1859","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1859","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1859"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1859\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1862,"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1859\/revisions\/1862"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewalrussaid.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1859"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}